Sunday, January 22, 2006

Guidelines for Snowbirds

Dear Winter Visitor:

I won't join the chorus of people who constantly bemoan the presence of winter visitors.

Rather, I write this in the hope that we can have a "coming together," a "kumbayah moment" of you will.

The year-round residents do a lot to support our winter visitors (hey, we keep the state running when it is 115 degrees outside), yet many of us feel quite put upon by the seemingly uncaring actions of many winter visitors. Thus, I offer the following suggestions for those who choose to grace us with their presence during the few months when one can actually go outside and enjoy life.
  1. Stay off the freeways from 6 a.m to 9 a.m and from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. There is absolutely no place you have to go during rush hour, and some of us are trying to get two and from work. Do you know that our commute times go dramatically up when have of Minnesota is here for three months.
  2. Eat dinner early. Please vacate all regular (non-tourist) restaurants by 5 p.m. some of us, who have worked a full day, would like to get something to eat at a moderately priced restaurant without having to wait an hor or more when visitors who have absolutely nothing to do all day clog up the restaurants with their parties of 8 that take 2-1/2 hours to eat a simple meal.
  3. Stay in the right hand lane when driving. Yopu don't know our streets, you don't know where you are going, where you have been, or how to get to destination "X". Please do all your navigation and exploring from the right-hand lane so that some of us can get where we are going. This is essential if you are from Oregon, where slower traffic always migrates to the left hand lane.
  4. Reserve your tee times on Mondays through Fridays. Some of the rest of us would like to play a round on occasion, and, unlike you, we have things to do during the week, so let us have our golf courses two lousy days a week. Learn to play bridge on the weekends.
  5. Quit griping. If the symphony, roads, food, golf, water, air, and hospitality is better in Wisconsin, then by all means go back up there and freeze your %%% off, but don't come into my town and trash it. I didn't ask you to spend the winter here.
  6. Visit and if you are supposed to register your vehicle here, then do it, don't wait until your cheap plates expire. We can use the money to fix the symphony, roads, food, golf, water, air, and hospitality that you like to gripe about.
  7. Spring training. It is OK for you to root for your own team during spring training. Go for it with great gusto! But, once the regular season begins, root for the Diamondbacks if you are in Bank One Ballpark (yeah, Chase Field, whatever!). Even if you are a Cubs fans. It is, however, prefectly acceptable to root for anyone playing the Cardinals. None of us root for the Cardinals, and we wouldn't expect you to.
  8. Go home no later than April 15. That's when my taxes get paid, and if I even see a car with an out-of-state plate on it after that date, I get really peeved. Go Home!

  9. 1/25 Updated:

  10. Don't suck up all of our resources. Have just a bit of consideration for those of us who live here year round. Don't gobble up those rare early morning and early evening doctor and dentist appointments, take the slots in the middle of the day so the rest of us don't have to take precious time off of work in order to get into a doctor (after waiting more than a month for an appointment because half of Illinois is here and has the sniffles). We really don't mind sharing our wonder weather and lovely community with you, just don't suck up every resource in sight and leave us with the dust.


Cary said...

So many snowbirds, so little freezer space...

Gunner said...